Eating Out

 

Hi my name is Juanita Pigg, your food editor. When I’m not eating out at the Y I like to share my food related experiences with others. You won’t see too many reviews of those places that give you a loonie sized piece of steak with a teaspoon of sauce for $100 and want $20 extra for some weirdly named plants they ripped out of the front lawn, hosed off with vinegar and call a salad. Enjoy!

Ronny McD’s: so you’ve all seen the ask us anything ads by now. Go ahead and ask! Here’s a list of the true answers to those questions:

Melanie (Age 9, Philadelphia): My Mom showed me a food guide that says McNuggets are made from 100% pure chicken white meat.

Ronny: Well she’s partly correct. They’re made mostly from meat. At our Nugget facility near the Jet Propulsion Lab workers tie mylar collector bags behind the engine being tested. Seagulls, robins, sparrows and the odd escaped budgie sucked into the engines are 100% blended and perfectly cooked. All we have to do is empty the bags into extruder machines that form it into nice little shapes, coat it with bread crumbs and freeze it for shipment.

Oh Just Can’t Wait To Eat Here:

The Lineups Must Be Huge (for the washroom!)

Chinese and Western Food: You see this franchise everywhere, in my little town there’s three – Bill’s, Blue Pearl, The Orient. Yours might be Drag’em Inn or Slops. Who knows for some reason they let them put their name on top and Chinese and Western Food underneath. You’ll know it’s the same franchise when you taste the food.

I recommend the Sweet & Sour Boneless Pork if you’re feeling adventurous like most whitebread Americans or Englishmen who think putting salt on a boiled potato is high cuisine. If you can get over the shiny sauce that looks like bloody snot, the ubiquitous ball of fried dough and appreciate the cube of pork cut so cheap they’re not allowed to sell it in a grocery store you will appreciate the experience.

And what dinner is complete without Egg Rolls, dipped over and over in greasy dough until they’re the size of a WWII hand grenade and have the same effect on your intestines.

WonTon Soup: is normally served at room temperature after 5 pm, a classic mix of water, the cook’s cigarette ash, dough wrapped cat brains, a shrimp, three mushrooms and a brocolli stem. The soup is so delicate it sometimes even has a flavour.

Taco Del Merde

This uniquely Canadian take even offers spicy styles of poutine and a design your own taco counter. Choose your veggies, cheeses, choose your meat filling. Will that be chicken, pork or beef? What the hell’s the difference, it all looks like it leaked out the edge of some child’s diaper!
This blend of America’s Top Hat and Underpants cuisine offers the worst of both worlds.