Lies

lotusland Erich VonGlibb

They’re confiscating your home to tear it down for more bicycle lanes, what’s next? Mayor Czar Gregor I won’t be happy until your coming home with your groceries strapped in hemp green bags and your fanny pack, in the rain on your 15 speed, with one of those stupid helmets that look like a turd squeezed from a constipated elephant.

O the new joke making the rounds is Hubby telling his wife “Hey, we ONLY won 6/49. Not like we can afford a house in Vancouver or anything!”

So the viaducts are coming down, to be replaced by gridlocked diesel trucks trying to snake through your neighborhood. But while you choke on the fumes and dodge them if they get up to speed, you can enjoy more parks. Council is already making bylaws so you can’t walk your dog, step on the grass, sit down and have a smoke or pick a flower in any of them without risking public scorn and a $10,000 fine. And figuring out how much to hike your taxes for someone to cut those lawns you can’t walk on…

Speaking of Americans, you can sure tell Timmies got taken over. Now featuring a pulled pork sandwich (do they not know what ‘pulling pork’ refers to up here?), a staple food of those so American they need to put subtitles to tell what they’re saying when on tv (ahyukk we’s Swamp Peeple).
Playing along with Americanization is our own Stuporstore chain, first by Ketchup Wars – announcing they’ll drop French’s and carry only Heinz right when there’s a huge social-network thing going on about it. Let’s pretend we’re responding to customers and not cashing in on free advertising! Second by changing from 2L to 1.79L cartons. Whoopee shortchange Canadians and suck up to US manufacturers at the same time!