The West Coast Fliar

Absolute Immunity From Everything

Entitled to the Divine Right of Kings

Donald The Orange, Emperor of the White Men, Lord of the Humans, Protector of the Realm, King of The 50 States is in court insisting that he is entitled to complete immunity for any action he took while in Office and no President can perform the duties of that office without such privilege, regardless of the fact no US President in history has made such a claim.
He also claims that he at no time swore an Oath to the Constitution when every previous holder of office did; His lawyers are trying to hurry a judicial decision so he may resume his bid to run again for President. Spineless lackeys in the Republican Party are ensuring he remain on their ticket without having to appear in person and in spite of his mindless, increasingly demented public speeches at his rallies held to dupe money from fools seeking entertainment after a decade of only rehashed movies and comic book rehashes on TV and in movies.

Texas Court Rules Pregnant 9 Year Old Must Bring Alien To Term

If she was impregnated by an alien, that is God’s Will and a pre-born baby is a life, says Supreme Court Judge Luther P. Butticks R.

Parents entered the bedroom of their daughter Louly Smithson to discover an alien face-hugger wrapped about her and doctors confirmed she was impregnated and in less than two weeks she will explode as an a pre metamorphic baby alien bursts from her chest.
Visiting scientists from the future claim the alien could be removed from the 9 year old’s body using their experimental transporter beam, but were prevented from doing so by a court injunction filed by the Church of Infinite Misery in her home town. (cont’d on Pg 37)

73 Year Old Man Finally Gets Full-time Job

Charles, Prince of Wales had finally found full time employment with the passing of his mother, Queen Elizabeth II. He will no longer just travel about the world smiling and waving to crowds but now that he is King Charles III must smile and wave full time but also need to greet and entertain foreign officials and sign various pieces of paper handed to him by UK Prime Ministers and Governor Generals of some Commonwealth Nations.
Doctors say his health is up to this massive increase in work load and other say it may make him relate more to the everyday drudgery faced by the common people under his reign.
He may even defer to Canada for a list of things to apologize for, even though he is in no way responsible, a task his mother the Queen was asked to apologize for even as she spent her whole reign ending many of those things. You know, the Sins of the Father and all that.
Anti-monarchists can take small joy in that it is very, very unlikely they will suffer under his reign for seventy years.

American Dog Bites Man Story:

19 children and two adults were killed in a shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. Authorities say the teenage gunman obtained his weapons legally and had a constitutional right to own them, end of story.
Meanwhile Republicans said once again that now is not the time to discuss gun control, they will only accept gun bans when Donald Trump is giving a speech. They all offered their thoughts and prayers to whatever demonic entity they worship.
Amid criticism that police only entered the school after an extremely long delay in which the shootings continued, they performed their usual public ritual of lining up shoulder to shoulder and congratulating each other for having followed procedure so well.
In the US Senate a motion to do nothing at all as per usual, was soundly defeated as a Democrat had proposed it. Republicans congratulated each other on filibustering a motion that school shootings should be discussed.
Human beings who live elsewhere in the real world propose that American familes should pack up and move somewhere safer, like Mariupol, Somalia or Yemen.

15 Yr Old Builds Hydro Dam to Power His Newest Video Card

Fifteen yeard old Harold Sneed from Anus, Alberta used a GoFundMe campaign to raise enough capital to build a hydro dam on a local creek to power his new nVidia 30800x super video card in his gaming computer.
At the rate donations from other basement dwellers are pouring in, he may raise enough to purchase a new mobile home sized computer case to house the 2.5 Megawatt Thermaltook power supply to run it.
The graphics card is capable of outputting a resolution approximately three times that of the new James Webb Space Telescope at over 360 frames per second. Processors and memory chips are cooled with liquid helium at 4 degrees Kelvin and a heat sink made from metallic Hydrogen disperses it evenly.
Harold is extremely excited as he looks ahead to playing Roblox soon on his new machine.

Russian Warship Can Turn Into Submarine

The Kremlin revealed that their newest warships can turn into submarines to run from attackers. Recently the Moskva had to perform an emergency dive and leave Ukraine to resupply with cabbage and vodka. Ukrainian hackers have been circulating faked pictures online claiming that their missiles sank the warship – con’t on Pg 39

High Gas Prices? Now you can convert your car to run on water!

For years we’ve all heard tales of how supposed inventors have created cars that run on just water. But a new startup, Holy Green Ind. has designed and is marketing a device that makes fuel for your car from municipal tap water.
CEO Dr. Smedley Freid says they can offer you a home station you can install in your yard that only requires a water and electrical connection that will produce pure hydrogen that can run your car or truck instead of gasoline. The unit which is only the size of a small crew bunk trailer is only $438,999.00 and fills 20lb propane bottles in only a matter of days. This does not include the price of converting your vehicle to run on hydrogen (a conversion kit from Susannah Freid LLC is available for only $7299), municipal permits or the 24 hr standby Fire Brigade.
Savings, calculated at a gasoline price of $2.339 per litre would amount to $11.85 over 300 years.
Dr. Friend is also working on a new home fuel solution with much better returns that can catalytic crack beluga whale oil into usable bio-fuel in your own garden shed. Fried has been offered an Honorary seat on the Conservative Party of Canada’s Environmental Advisory board.